There was period in time in my life when being alone was unbearable. The idea of not having anyone scared me. I remember it was a year or two after I had come to Canada for my schooling (about 7 years ago). If I can be brutally honest I suffered from a serious identity crisis. I so wanted to belong that I compromised my faith in pursuit of this so called sense of belonging. Went to places where I probably shouldn’t have gone, dressed inappropriately, occasionally spoke words that don’t exist in the English Dictionary, all this in pursuit of belonging. One thing I have realized about God is that if He has invested a lot in you, He won’t let you off the hook that easily. I went through a period of major spiritual discontentment and loneliness.
Even with so many people around me; I still felt so alone.
The Spirit of God in me wouldn’t allow me be. That was when He took me through a season of great loneliness. I believe God started removing everything in my life that I had created for myself to give me that sense of belonging or fitting in. I became very uncomfortable in the places that I had grown to be comfortable in . I couldn’t stand certain vocabulary that I had become accustomed to. Every area that I had slowly compromised in was now becoming unbearable for me. And yet around the spiritual people I also didn’t feel like I belonged either. It was just me. So what do I do now? I didn’t fit in the new world I has created for myself and neither, did I also fit in the church circle either. I didn’t know who I was any more, but Jesus knew and He wasn’t about to give up on me.
Not to drag this too long, but I would like to believe that God striped me of what I thought I needed, – “Friends”. One by one, I lost them all – until I had no one I could call a friend. It was a difficult experience to say the least. Though my friends where good people, they were not good for me in that season. God said it loud and clear to me that all I needed was HIM. That wasn’t I wanted to hear. “Lord, but you are not human, I can’t see you, and how can you be my friend!” I demanded. And again I heard Him say “All you need is me” This statement even frustrated me the more. But little did I know that God was preparing me for greater. God had to separate me to deal with me. The Rue, that chose popularity over virtue, the Rue that compromised the gospel for acceptance, The Rue that chose friends over a relationship with God. That’s the Rue that God needed to deal with. God had to take charge before I was too far gone.
Eventually I learned to accept the new reality “God is my new best friend, no one else”.
My prayer changed from “Give me friends to I NEED YOU LORD, I AM NOTHING WITHOUT. BE MY FRIEND JESUS”.
I sought Jesus more than I sought companionship. His Word was life to me, prayer, fasting, meditation became a huge part of me. I spoke to Him more than I spoke to anyone else. My routine became God, school, work, God. And that was it. He was all I had and all I grew to need more and more.
Now when I look back at this time in my life, I believe that was the best time of my life, I just didn’t realize it then.
WHY? It is in that period of loneliness, I began to pursue Christ with everything in me. It is in that period of loneliness, I finally knew who I was in Christ. I realized my worth, my value, my identity, my destiny and purpose. I truly grew to love JESUS more than anything else. My love and understanding of God grew more than words could phantom. Given a choice between choosing God and pleasures of this world, I wouldn’t think twice – God was and is my ONLY choice. My desire for God became so real and evident to those around me. I praise GOD for loneliness – BECAUSE it brought me back to my senses and deep love for JESUS. Had I not gone through that phase of loneliness or separation I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. So now I thank God for interrupting my life and doing what He had to do to get my attention and eventually fully transforming my life.
Have I reached perfection yet? NO! Not at all! But everyday with Jesus is an opportunity to become more like Him and live the life that glorifies Him. I fall, but I rise up again – because I now know who I am in Christ. I once was lost but now I have been redeemed.
Maybe you are out there and you are going through a period of loneliness/separation; I want to encourage you to keep your FOCUS on Jesus. Find yourself in Him and He will make things clear for you in time. The right people will come when God has done what He needs to do in you to take you to the next level.
Sometimes God allows periods of loneliness and separation to bring us to a place of wholeness in Him before taking us in to a new chapter of our lives.
In scripture, we told of a man called Joseph who was rejected by those who were supposed to protect him, those who were supposed to love him, those he considered family. He too like most of us went through a period of loneliness/separation (no parents, no siblings, no friends, no one) – But one thing I applaud Joseph is that he didn’t allow that season to destroy him or discourage him, rather it brought out the best in him. It produced a man of character and integrity in Joseph who never compromised or entertained sin. Separation /Loneliness prepared him for his purpose and destiny.
I pray that if you are feeling lonely today, that you will find comfort in JESUS. May His grace be more than enough for you to embrace the season you are in and produce the right character in you for your next season. May God do what He needs to do in you in preparation for where He is taking you – weather its ministry, a career, marriage, children, health, relationships, purpose in life, etc what ever it is – in the mean time and always Let Jesus be what you Need more than anything else.
God bless you and have a great week.
“Let Your Light shine”